Done

Yesterday I had an abortion. It went like this. 

Picked up my friend, drove to the clinic. There were about ten fundamentalists outside, lined up against the chain-link fence, red tape over their mouths, symbolizing... something, I'm sure. Concerned old man tried to give me pamphlets on the way in, telling me there were safe alternatives to be had, many women had gone in like me, only to leave out the back on a stretcher, etc. etc. I was very nice. I didn't say a word to him, which is out of character for me. Any other day and he would have gotten an earful, but I just wasn't up to it. I was shaking with nerves anyway, and probably wouldn't have been able to muster a decent comeback. 

There was a lot of paperwork, very friendly receptionist, mid-70s decor, and lots of teenagers. For the first hour or so, I was the only adult there. There was one girl, she couldn't have been more than 14. She had a Tweety Bird jacket on. She looked scared to death, and jaded at the same time. Filled out the papers, read the disclaimers, texted with the guy. We chatted about this and that, and he kept me distracted until my name was called. 

Took blood from the elbow, peed in a cup, did more paperwork with the counselor/social worker/intake lady. Opted for the surgical instead of the medicinal procedure, decided on the local as opposed to the general anesthetic, paid my $15 copay. Had to sign a statement indicating that I was there of my own free will. Got a locker for my stuff, gown, hat, booties. Took blood pressure, then went for the ultrasound. I asked to see the image. Not sure why I wanted to do that, but I'm glad I did. Got the local - hurt, but not awful. Six shots to the cervix. I only felt two of them as being really painful. It was a fleeting pain - 30 seconds and it was done. 

Went to the patient waiting room. There was TV. Chatted with a few other patients - we were mostly trading stories and cracking jokes. The other two women I was in there with were both Catholics, which surprised me. It was the second abortion for one of them. Had to wait for around half an hour - was very nervous that the local would wear off before it was my turn. Finally they called my name. The other ladies wished me good luck, and I was off to surgery.

Walked back there, and the nurse helped me position myself on the table. I was shaking by this time, from nerves, the kind of shaking where your arms and legs sort of convulsively jerk and you can't quite control them. There was music playing, some random top 40 radio station. It was nice to have something to listen to. She called for the doctor, and he came in.

He was such a nice man - probably 50, 55 years old, African-American, fatherly. We chatted for a few minutes. He's an OB-GYN, has three daughters of his own. He expressed his desire for me to be comfortable, and to feel good about my decision, and to do what was best for me. He asked if I would like him to explain what he was doing step-by-step. I said yes - my curiosity got the best of me, and forewarned is forearmed, after all. He put my legs up in the stirrups - hanging stirrups, much higher and wider than the standard doctor's office stirrups. They had poles that stuck straight up in the air, with actual loops dangling off of them, and you put your legs around the outside of the poles, and your heels in the loops, just hanging there, unsupported.

He talked me through the steps: dilating the cervix, aligning the uterus and cervix in a straight line, since they naturally lie at a bit of an angle. He quizzed me on antegrade and retrograde uterii - I love trivia. He used a hand-held suction device to suck out the material. Honest to god, it looked like a souped-up bicycle pump. That part hurt. He said I'd feel cramping, like period cramps. It was definitely worse than any period I've ever had, but not as bad as, say, natural childbirth. It lasted about 3 minutes. When he was done, he emptied all the contents out onto a chux pad, like they use in hospitals, and the nurse sort of poked around in it. He said they always check out the contents just to make sure they got everything and that there's no chance I could still be pregnant. "We got it all!" he said when he got the ok from the nurse. 

He thanked me for being a good patient, wished me well, and left. The nurse helped me to sit up, then stand. As soon as I stood, the shaking came back, and I was certain I was either going to pass out or throw up. The cramping was still very intense, and the shakiness in my legs made me need to sit back down. I curled up in the fetal position on the table, and the nurse got me a cold towel and rubbed it on my face, neck, and shoulders. I got very hot suddenly, and she fanned me and sponged me until it passed. Eventually, the dizziness and shaking passed, and I knew I could sit up without passing out or puking. I stood slowly, and she helped me into my sanitary pad (on a belt, no less, like they used back in the day). She wrapped a sheet around me and walked me back to the recovery room. There was a bed for me there, and I lay down on it and curled up in the fetal position again. A nurse brought me ibuprofen and a drink of water. She got me another wet towel, since I was feeling nauseated and light-headed again, and a blanket so I didn't flash my ass to everyone who walked past the door. I lay there for a while, listening to the other girls in recovery. All three of them had gotten the general anesthetic, and while two were fine, if groggy, the third was puking every few minutes and shaking like a leaf. All three were still in high school. They were watching the basketball game. Another nurse came to take my blood pressure - 92/48. I got to lay down til it went back up. 

I lay there for at least another half hour, and the ibuprofen kicked in, the cramping stopped, and I was able to sit up and chat with everyone and read a magazine. The nurse asked if I felt ready to go home, and I was definitely ready. I had to go to the bathroom and check my bleeding and report back to her before she would sign me out. I went - I wasn't bleeding at all. Not even a drop. I reported back, got my antibiotics and after-care instructions, and then a nurse took me back to my locker. 

I fished all my stuff out and threw away the gown and booties. I had taken off all my jewelry, and I was missing an earring when I pulled them back out. It was very tiny - it must have fallen down a crack. I was really pissed to have lost it. It's so hard to find six matching earrings that meet all the right criteria. Got dressed, and the nurse escorted me out the back door, where my friend was waiting with my car. It was an absolutely gorgeous day outside.